tips for new dads

According to Amy Morrison at Pregnant Chicken, there are Eight Essential Tips that no new dad can live without. Definitely worth a read, and I guarantee you will laugh out loud AND find the tips conveniently useful!

tips for new moms

These 10 tips will help you survive and enjoy the early weeks as a new mom.

1. Go slow. We live in a fast-paced world. Babies move at a very different pace, as do new parents. Give yourself permission to move on "baby time."

2. Limit your other obligations. You will only be a new parent for a few months of your entire life. Think about how you can make the most of it.

3. Sleep whenever you can. Try to rest whenever baby is sleeping or being cared for by someone else. Rest can sometimes feel like a waste of time when there is constantly something to do, but keeping yourself as refreshed as possible will make everything else much easier.

4. Nurture yourself. You are putting out an enormous amount of energy as a new parent. It is important to recharge your batteries. Even a 30 minute hot bat, a short read or a walk with a friend could help you to rejuvenate. Think about two or three things you could do in less than an hour to nurture yourself and make it happen.

5. Think of your baby's crying as communication. Your baby needs to learn that his world and the people in it are trustworthy and reliable. His sense of trust is an essential building block for all other learning he will do. There may be times when nothing seems to help and you may just need to stay close, relaxed and supportive until your baby is done crying.

6. Keep your expectations to a minimum. Many parents who work outside the home before they have a baby expect that being home with baby will afford them many opportunities to get things done around the house. If you can keep your expectations to a minimum you may feel less overwhelmed and unsuccessful. Projects and chores can wait, so be willing to set them aside.

7. Accept offers of help. You will be giving others the gift of feeling included and helpful and you will be giving yourself the gift of help.

8. Ask for help. Many people around you might be interested in helping, but may not know how or what to offer. You can gently inquire if they would be interested.

9. Get together with other new parents. One of the hardest things about being a new parent is believing you are the only one feeling overwhelmed and confused. It can be very supportive to spend time with other new parents. Look for new parent support or activity groups through your local hospital, community center, adult education center, or La Lache League.

10. Expect to feel vulnerable. Bringing a new baby into your life changes you forever. Your feelings are simultaneously deepened and closer to the surface. You might find yourself wet with tears or spontaneously elated at a moment's notice. If you know that this rich emotional life is a natural part of being a new parent, you may be able to relax, tolerate or even relish these new feelings.

before and after

how to be comfortable around breastfeeding

Before I had a child, I was very supportive of breastfeeding, even though my experience with it had been minimal. Many of the women in my family had breastfed their children and have, for the most part, fond awareness of it. Breastfeeding was never a big deal. I do, however, remember wondering a few things when I was near a breastfeeding mother: where do I look? Do I try to act casual and pretend I don't notice at all? Do I make a comment about her nursing (a positive one? but it would draw attention to the fact)?

When I was pregnant, I discovered lactivism by reading stories of women breastfed and received rude comments or who were asked to leave certain establishments. Like many new mothers, I was terrified to nurse in public for fear of being ridiculed. I expected that I would be told to cover up, leave, or be stuck at home until my baby weaned. When my baby was born, and for a long time after, I was the first and only one in my group of friends who breastfed. And even though I had a nursling of my own, I was still uneasy around other breastfeeding moms. It was easier for me to breastfeed around others than to be around another woman who breastfed. Over time, though, things got much easier.

The most important step for me was being around more moms who breastfed. I started going to LLL meetings and baby play- and music-groups where there were plenty of other nurslings present. As I saw the confidence of these breastfeeding women, my own confidence grew. I began to question why I felt uneasy. I knew that breastfeeding was normal and not obscene or indecent. I knew it was the right way to feed a baby and that, as a breastfeeding woman, I was legally protected against discrimination. In my mind, though, I tried to approach my feelings of confusion. Was I struggling with my understanding of modesty? Was I sexualizing breasts? Was I uncomfortable with my own body and my breasts and their function? Was I imposing my own discomfort on the breastfeeding mother next to me?

After some subconscious contemplation, I realized that I was afraid that the breastfeeding mother would feel uneasy if I was looking at her during conversation. What happened when the baby popped off and I saw a teeny bit of nipple for a tenth of a millisecond? Would she be uncomfortable? Then it dawned on me. If this woman is comfortable breastfeeding in front of me, then she is comfortable with whatever I might happen to see. After all, if the mother was handing a piece of fruit to her child, I surely would not look away or feel uncomfortable. And, if I was the one breastfeeding, it would not bother me if someone saw my nipple when my baby was latching on. I figured, then, that it was safe to just keep talking and enjoy myself.

Being a breastfeeding mother was what contributed most to me beginning to feel at ease around other breastfeeding mothers. Experience is often the best teacher. I learned what it was like to be on the other end; it is what helped me to be comfortable with my body and my breasts, as well as being comfortable around other breastfeeding mothers. After nearly seven years of nursing two children, breastfeeding is nothing I haven't seen before. And, now, I am the experienced one, the one who can reassure the new breastfeeding mothers out there that, not only is it ok to nurse in front of others, it is also ok to look at other breastfeeding women and not feel ashamed or uncomfortable.

And now I leave you with this lovely comic, Distract-a-ta-tas, from my favorite lactivist, Heather Cushman-Dowdee, for further contemplation.

modern midwifery

In the United States, less than 1% of births take place at home. It is difficult for the other 99% of Americans to make the transition from believing that technology is the benchmark for establishing worldwide leadership to the understanding that, in reality, the human body is designed to give birth. Our bodies are generous and amazing in their abilities to give birth naturally.

The rates of surgical birth and birth intervention in the US have soared beyond those of other developed countries around the world. The rate of maternal and infant mortality is not only significantly higher in the US than that of other developed nations, but also has not improved in nearly thirty years. Despite a significant improvement in the US maternal mortality ratio since the early 1900s, it still represents a substantial and frustrating burden, particularly given the fact that essentially no progress has been made in most of the US since 1982. Additionally, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has stated that most cases of maternal mortality are probably preventable. Among the causal deaths that could be prevented were those that involve both underlying health issues such as poor nutrition and high blood pressure as well as those that are physician-caused, including infection and hemorrhage.

There are many preventable risks of placing birth in a hospital environment. To begin with, bacteria can be introduced, first by the mother arriving in an environment where diseases are being treated, as well as from
infiltrating the natural barriers we have against infection through vaginal exams and, of course, surgical delivery. Additionally, there are higher incidences of hemorrhage from forced delivery of the placenta (when a care provider intentionally pulls on an umbilical cord). Furthermore, injuries and deaths related to the physician’s care range from the off-label use of medicine for the induction of labor as well as the sanctified use of surgical delivery, which is one of the leading causes of maternal mortality and a risk directly associated with cesareans and hospital births.

It is important to remember that pregnancy is a normal, low-risk, significant time in a woman's life. With knowledge of her body, a woman can interpret her body’s signals and maintain her own health. She can educate herself about care options and make good choices based on impartial and complete information because she knows her own body. Modern midwifery care is based on many concepts which are proven to reduce maternal and infant mortality rates and increase a mother’s joy in her birth experience.

Pregnancy effects and is effected by all aspects of a woman’s life: social, economic, professional, familial. A woman who knows about her body and how she gives birth is less likely to need medical interventions. An experienced midwife spends time with her clients. She gets to know them, teaches them and helps them think through their options to make reasoned decisions. She spends time with the client’s partner, observing the dynamics and providing holistic support. She helps identify how best to prepare the chosen space for labor and birth. Under a midwife's care, a typical prenatal visit lasts 30-60 minutes, labor accompaniment is consistent through the active labor and birth, and postnatal care includes several follow-up visits. It is estimated that midwives spend 10-15 times as many hours with a client as doctors spend--at about half the price! Midwives still do 70% of the births in the world and are experts not only at “normal” birth but at keeping infants normal around the birthing process. Midwifery care makes sense for normal pregnancies because midwives are skilled at keeping the pregnancy normal.

Women deserve knowledge to care for themselves before conceiving and during pregnancy and birth. Women gain the best birth knowledge from other women who have chosen natural childbirth with supportive birth care. Women are naturally intuitive and need not accept the negative images of labor that the media portrays. Women, their partners and their advocates can differentiate between normal birth and situations that may require medical guidance. Women want to choose important aspects of their birth experience based on credible information, not fear of litigation. The most favorable physical, mental and emotional birth outcomes for mothers and their babies are best supported by midwifery care.

Women have the right to choose a care provider and with whom and where to give birth. Every woman, and her family, must be recognized as being an individual with her own unique expectations for hers and her baby’s birth. It is a myth that women who seek a homebirth are willfully putting themselves at risk. Women are fully capable of considering their options and choosing how to care for themselves.  It is not rational to say homebirth is never safe; saying so is the product of hysteria. All birth information providers must create a more personable environment for the woman to learn about birth, her body and her birth options.  Protecting choice, not limiting choice, is good, no, GREAT health care.

Artwork: Music by Katie M. Berggren

follow your instincts

When someone, usually a pregnant mama, asks me for my best parenting advice, I like to say, with complete honesty, "Follow Your Instincts." I could say many, many other things, but my mothering instincts have been strong since before I could even put a name to my parenting style. Attachment parenting, natural parenting, respectful parenting: for me, it all comes down to instinct.

I suppose the most important aspects of instinctual parenting for me started during childbirth. When both Eva and Esme were born, gently and naturally, both babies were placed directly on my abdomen, wet and warm, for optimum bonding. We had the wonderful opportunity to cuddle and touch and meet for the first time. We began our nursing relationship immediately, within the minutes following birth.

Breastfeeding, luckily, came naturally for me with both girls, perhaps because we started nursing within the suggested twenty minutes after birth, perhaps because labor and childbirth was unmediated, perhaps because I did my research beforehand and knew good positions and correct latch, perhaps because I absolutely knew I would breastfeed. Breast-milk's unique mixture of nutrients and immunities is made perfectly by mother for each individual baby's needs and ages. It comes at the right temperature and the perfect amount. Breastfeeding also stimulates a mother's body to produce prolactin and oxytocin, which are two important mother-instinct boosting hormones. All of these necessary aspects contributed to the unique instinct to feed my babies on demand, as soon as they showed signs of hunger.

Another super necessary (for me) aspect of instinctual parenting is the family bed. When sleep-sharing, baby naturally learns and mimics mother's sleep cycle, is more likely to "sleep through the night," and is at a significantly less of a risk for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Sleep-sharing also allows for a more successful nursing relationship. Additionally, it helps a mother to become familiar with her baby's cues--before the baby even needs to cry out. I was always close to my babies, was able to feed them without having to fully awake from a comfortable sleep, and I sensed everything about them.

Then there is babywearing. It has been proven countless times that carried babies fuss less and spend much more time in the awake state of quiet alertness, which is the optimum state for learning (boosting brain power). Again, like bedsharing, since your baby is close to you, you know your baby better, you become more sensitive to her needs and you can meet those needs before crying is even necessary.

There is a very fine line between each aspect of instinctual parenting, and in most cases, it is difficult to tell where one leaves off and another begins. The benefits of instinctual parenting are far too complex to fully describe. It contributes to a level of communication far beyond words. However, I could instinctively tell when my baby was hungry, needed a diaper, wanted to be put down, etc. by being close to her and learning her cues (rather than using her cry to let me know she needs something). I knew because I followed each of their silent signals and their body language, which I still know so well from years of dedicated breastfeeding, sleep-sharing, and babywearing.

the politics of breastfeeding in public

Breastfeeding is normal, biologically and physiologically speaking, while bottle feeding, on the other hand, is not. However, in our society, breastfeeding is not necessarily considered the cultural norm. As such, breastfeeding in public is a very political topic, with surprisingly heated arguments coming from both sides. I am always surprised about this, surprised at how sexualized breasts have become, and how uncomfortable some people can be when they see a baby breastfeeding in public. Having nursed two children for a total of nearly six and a half years and counting in nearly any and every location imaginable, it makes my head spin to think about how backwards we are here in the United States. The fact that people are uncomfortable seeing a child at the breast stems from cultural perceptions and previous practices.

Before I continue, I want to point out that, despite some people feeling uncomfortable seeing an infant at the breast, most states have jurisdiction protecting breastfeeding in public. In the state of Ohio, it is illegal to ask a nursing mother to stop nursing, move to a different location, or to even cover up (1). To do so may result in a civil lawsuit and charges of harassment.

For several generations now in the US, breastfeeding was not seen much outside of the home. As a result of this absence, breasts are perceived only as sexual tools, and breastfeeding is seen as a private act. Perhaps one way to look at this situation is to consider that, at one time, it was acceptable to exclude women and racial minorities from certain places and jobs. Now, though, as a society, we have decided this exclusion is wrong, unfair, and unconstitutional. But it often remains that, despite the societal shift, seeing others in these positions is still not what they consider to be 'normal' and can make these people very uncomfortable. The more often women chose to breastfeed outside the home, the more quickly it will again be considered an accepted and 'normal' practice by society.

Many women walk around in clothing that reveals far more skin and cleavage than a what is revealed by a breastfeeding mother. Breasts are everywhere. Provocative images of cleavage and breasts are plastered billboards, television shows, movie previews, fashion ads, beaches, bookstores, cereal boxes, animated children's shows, and the six o'clock news. These images are all considered acceptable. Most people do not feel uncomfortable when they see breasts. Some people are, however, uncomfortable when they see a baby nursing. Perhaps this discomfort is because the breasts are being used in a non-sexual way. Our society LOVES breasts, it seems--everywhere, at least, except in a baby's mouth--which is ironic, as the purpose and function of breasts is to nourish our young.

To say a woman should be 'discreet' and cover herself when she breastfeeds, well, I say if you have ever nursed a babe, then you know how illogical that mentality is. When nursing a young baby, positioning is often a challenge, and raising, lowering, and removing layers of clothing helps a mother observe her nursing infant and provide the most attentive care possible. And when nursing a baby older than eight to ten weeks, any covering will doubtless be pulled down, up or away by the impatient hands of the curious baby. Most importantly, it is not only unsafe to cover a baby's head with a blanket or towel, it can endanger the life of the baby. Many, many medical associations around the world have official statements advising against using any cover over a baby's head as it greatly increases the chances of heat stroke, suffocation and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

One thing that angers me more than just about anything else is when someone compares breastfeeding with deification. That is a disgusting statement. The only thing breastfeeding can be compared to is other methods of feeding a baby. Breastfeeding is not public sex or masturbation or passing gas or voiding in public. It is not a peep show or a political statement or a way to flip the proverbial bird to anyone who happens to see it. All it is is a way to feed a baby. If a baby bottle-feeding in that particular circumstance is not an issue--and there are very few places where it would be--then breastfeeding should not be an issue either. Because at the end of the day, that is really all it is about--feeding a baby.

When observing a mother and child breastfeeding in public, we must consider whose rights are most important in this situation. Is it the person who walks by and insists upon looking, gives in to being offended, and then voices that offense? No. Is it the nursing mother who has chosen to nourish her child in the healthiest, most natural way possible? Again, I would be inclined to say no. Even though a woman has the legal right to breastfeed whenever, wherever, we must not think about it as a woman's right to breastfeed. We must rather think of it as a baby's right to eat.

If someone is uncomfortable seeing a woman breastfeed, then by all means, they should not look. Perhaps they should even throw a blanket over their own heads. But an individual's personal kinks and sexual proclivities should not dictate how women feed their children. It is chauvinistic and patriarchal.


There are several public service announcements from around the world that highlight the importance and acceptance of breastfeeding.

From Canada, Sudbury District Health Unit--Breastfeeding Commercial:



From UNICEF, Importance of Breastfeeding Public Service Announcement:



From Puerto Rico, Dar la Teta es Dar la Vida (To Give the Breast is to Give Life), one of the most beautiful and heartfelt videos I have ever seen:



From Australia, Australian Breastfeeding Association advertisement:



Another from Australia, Australian Breastfeeding Association advertisement:



From Spain:



From Bulgaria:



From the United States:



Another from the United States:





Notes:

(1) A Current Summary of Breastfeeding Legislation in the US: Ohio, http://www.llli.org/Law/Bills31b.html

Comic: Parenting by Jim Borgman

what does a doula do?

Doula is a word of Greek origin meaning "woman who serves." These days, though, doulas are professionals, usually women, who provide emotional, physical and informational support to a woman and her family during the antenatal, birthing and postpartum periods. The three most common types of doulas are labor doulas, postpartum doulas, and antepartum doulas.

A labor doula attends a birthing mother and her family before, during, and just after the birth of the baby. By serving as an advocate, labor coach, and informational resource, a labor doula helps ensure a safe and satisfying birth experience. She often provides reassurance and experienced perspective, helps with relaxation techniques including massage and positioning, and makes suggestions to progress labor. Studies have found that the presence of a doula at birth results in shorter labor with fewer complications, reduces negative feelings about one's childbirth experience, reduces the need for intervention (including pitocin, forceps, vacuum extraction, and cesareans), and reduces the mother's request for pain medication and epidural. Before labor begins, a labor doula will familiarize herself with a pregnant mother's birth plan, which will include preferences regarding management options and the use of pain medication, and will assist in establishing breastfeeding after the birth of the baby.

A postpartum doula assists the new mother and baby, as well as the rest of the family, within the first few weeks after the birth. Postpartum doulas are especially knowledgeable about newborn care and breastfeeding. Providing patient and non-judgmental support, postpartum doulas offer a family breastfeeding tips, baby care and advice (on topics such as bathing, circumcision, vaccinations), emotional support and reassurance, light household help, sibling care, meal preparation, and errand running. As the role of a postpartum doula is strictly non-medical, she does not provide any clinical care.

An antepartum doula has specific and extensive training that relates to assisting pregnant women who are classified as high risk, pregnant women who may be on bedrest, or pregnant women with medical conditions necessitating additional help. Antepartum doulas provide assistance, education and physical support for a pregnant mother, sibling care, errand running, meal preparation, home care, and emotional support.

Doulas do not offer medical advice and do not perform clinical tasks (such as checking fetal heart rate, taking the mother's blood pressure, performing vaginal exams, or delivering a baby--although many are trained for such in case of emergency situations). Doulas do, however, have professional training and/or experience from the organizations that they train through and/or the births and clients they attend. Doulas are employed by pregnant and postpartum women and their families to provide physical comfort, emotional support, and to advocate. They provide their clients with unbiased information necessary to make informed, educated decisions.

If you are considering employing a birth, postpartum, or antepartum doula, it is important to get to know her first, check references, ask about her attendance and experience, and if she has birthed and breastfed a child.


Helpful Resources

Books on Natural Childbirth
The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin, PT, CD
The Birth Book by William Sears, MD, and Martha Sears, RN IBCLC
Active Birth by Janet Balaskas
Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCuthcheon
Easing Labor Pain by Adrienne Lieberman
Mothering the Mother: How a Doula Can Help You Have a Shorter, Easier & Healthier Birth by John H. Kennell, Phyllis H. Klaus, Marshall H. Klaus

Books on Having a Vaginal Birth after Cesarean 
Natural Birth After Cesarean: A Practical Guide by Johanne C. Walters & Karis Crawford
Silent Knife: Cesarean Prevention & VBAC by Nancy Wainer Cohen & Lois Estner

Books on High-Risk Pregnancy Care
The Pregnancy Bed Rest Book by Amy E. Tracy
When Pregnancy Isn't Perfect by Laurie A. Rich
Intensive Caring by Dianne Hales & Timothy R. B. Johnson


Books on Postpartum Care
Rebounding From Childbirth: Towards Emotional Recovery by Lynn Madsen
Mothering the New Mother: Women's Feelings and Needs After Childbirth by Sally Placksin
The Year After Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger

babies--a new film

The upcoming film by Thomas Balmes, Babies, which will be released in April 2010, follows the story of four babies in four very different cultures through their first year of life. Babies takes a look at the uniqueness and differences of this early stage of life in Mongolia, Namibia, Tokyo, and San Fransisco.

I look forward to seeing this film, especially learning about the other cultures. It also reminds me of one of the most interesting and refreshing articles, “Breastfeeding in the Land of Genghis Khan,” published in the July-August issue of Mothering Magazine, in which Canadian-born Ruth Kamnitzer writes about Mongolians’ distinctly different attitude toward the practice of breastfeeding. Living in Mongolia while nursing her son, she soon learned she did not have to take pains to be discreet:

In Mongolia, instead of relegating me to a 'Mothers Only' section, breastfeeding in public brought me firmly to center stage. Their universal practice of breastfeeding anywhere, anytime, and the close quarters at which most Mongolians live, mean that everyone is pretty familiar with the sight of a working boob. They were happy to see I was doing things their way (which was, of course, the right way). When I breastfed in the back of taxis, drivers would give me the thumbs-up in the rear view mirror and assure me that Calum would grow up to be a great wrestler. When I walked through the market cradling my feeding son in my arms, vendors would make a space for me at their stalls and tell him to drink up. Instead of looking away, people would lean right in and kiss Calum on the cheek. If he popped off in response to the attention and left my streaming breast completely exposed, not a beat was missed. No one stared, no one looked away--they just laughed and wiped the milk off their noses.

Kamnitzer still felt a bit out of step with cultural norms—but this time, roles were reversed. She had to learn to become comfortable with much looser standards about who should be drinking breastmilk:

If weaning means never drinking breastmilk again, then Mongolians are never truly weaned—and here’s what surprised me most about breastfeeding in Mongolia. If a mother’s breasts are engorged and her baby is not at hand, she will simply go around and ask a family member, of any age or sex, if they’d like a drink. Often a woman will express a bowlful for her husband as a treat, or leave some in the fridge for anyone to help themselves.

Not only do I look forward to the segment on Mongolia, I am also very curious about birth and nursing practices in Namibia, a culture where parenting is natural and nurturing, but the risk of illness from HIV, malaria, diarrhea and pneumonia is dangerously high. Namibia already had high rates of infant death and illness due to perils like HIV, malaria, and imposed pressure of powerful corporations to artificially feed babies, even amidst the poor water conditions common in this part of the world. In this case, artificial breast milk substitutes greatly increases malnutrition and diarrhea in infants and leads to higher instances of infant death. However, when Americanized birthing styles and mass immunizations (sometimes with good intentions but outdated ingredients or 'left-overs' from the U.S.) began to be imposed on mothers/babies in Namibia, rates of morbidity and mortality started to climb even further.

Japan, on the other hand, currently has the fourth best rate of infant health and survival in the world, drastically different than that of the United States, which does not even compare, sitting behind 44 other countries in infant mortality and morbidity rates--and, sadly, is continuing to fall farther every year, according to the CIA infant mortality statistics. It is interesting that, even though Japan has started to adopt many of the birthing and baby care trends common in the United States, they still maintain far better rates for infant survival then we do, although their rates did fall slightly after they began adopting these trends.

Infant morbidity and mortality statistics will exist no matter what we do--it is an inescapable part of nature. However, there are varying reasons for these statistics to exist as they do. We can learn from the birthing and infant care practices of countries with the lowest infant mortality and morbidity statistics, such as Singapore, Bermuda and Sweden, and make positive changes in our own practices as a result. I look forward to seeing the film Babies, and I anticipate that it will be both delightful and insightful. In the meantime, enjoy the trailer!

breasts, bottles, and taboo

Human breasts, like those of other mammals, have provided not only nourishment, but also comfort and security to our young for hundreds of thousands of years. Despite this ultimate success, however, our modern culture has developed a breast taboo by over-sexualizing the breast, creating a needless separation between breasts and children, a separation that is detrimental to the safety, security, and overall well-being of our children. This taboo is so prevalent that it is nearly impossible to find references to breasts as vessels for nourishment in any aspect of social acknowledgement in our culture, aside from parenting guides.

Insert the image of the baby bottle: a plastic replacement for the breast.

Baby bottles are everywhere. Bottles feed baby dolls and are prevailant in family films, magazines, advertisements, and childrens books. Bottles plaster wrapping paper, gift bags, and even on nursing-room doors.

It is time for our society to acknowledge the normalcy of nursing, of feeding our babies MILK (milk that just so happens to come from our breasts, and is thus commonly referred to as [breast]milk or [human] milk). In turn, the dangers of substituting milk with formula, cows milk, or other supplements should not be downplayed.

Formula and breast supplements do have a necessary place, after all, though not in the extreme abundance that we are seeing now. While a mother should not be faulted for supplementing with formula, in the name of informed-consent, society as a whole, as well as new mothers, should be made aware from the very beginning that, if our infants (as well as toddlers and young children) are supplemented and separated, they will not reach their full potential as human beings. As our society stands now, we, as a whole, have not yet rediscovered the biological normalcy of [breast]milk and shared sleeping (vs. the substandard quality of supplementation and maternal-infant separation), nor do we have a society that supports the education of and normalcy of biological feeding.

The following article, Taking Down the Almighty Bottle, written by Stephanie Ondrack and published in the July/August 2006 issue of Mothering Magazine, describes how the normalization of the bottle as the primary method of infant care takes place on a variety of levels, not just in regards to basic infant nutrition, but reaching as far as oversexualizing the normal mamillian functions of the human breast.

It took a few months of mulling the topic over in the back of my mind before I came up with some reasons. The evidence is soft, even circumstantial, but I think it all adds up. And I concluded that even Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, with its progressive left-coast attitudes, embodies the traits of a bottle-feeding society. In some cases, this is only because we belong to a larger community. But still, if the bottle fits... The incidences of bottle homage are often subtle enough that we do not see them. They operate as a sort of smokescreen. Although doctors, nurses, mothers, and even formula marketers endlessly drone that "breast is best," they have not succeeded in surmounting the societal perception that the bottle is nonetheless okay, that it is really almost as good—indeed, that it is still the social norm. This normalization of the bottle takes place on a variety of levels and through a variety of media. Formula ads trumpet the putative benefits of artificial milk ("closer than ever to breastmilk"), but the real message—that bottle-feeding is the norm—is conveyed through less visible forms of representation. And while the media are discreet and the offenses hard to pinpoint, the message is presented persuasively enough that the many studies proving that breastfeeding is essential for normal human health and that formula can be harmful do not speak as loudly as the cultural cajolings that whisper to parents that bottle-feeding is just fine: Go ahead, you were bottle-fed, and you turned out alright.

Most revealing to me was discovering the depth of my own misconceptions. When my first baby was born and a nurse squeezed colostrum out of my nipple for the first time to encourage the baby to latch on, my jaw dropped in astonishment when I saw that my milk was exuded from not one hole, but many. I knew nothing about this. I'd read books on breastfeeding, taken prenatal classes, and my mother and all my friends had breastfed their babies, but I had always pictured the human nipple as having a single central hole—just like a bottle. That I could have known so little about my own body was possible only in a society in which the bottle has taken precedence over the breast. Such fundamental ignorance can hinder the understanding of breastfeeding even among the most keen—as it did for me.

Words
Perhaps most elusive is the bias embedded in the word breastmilk itself. How did it happen that human milk is denied the propriety of the generic term milk? How did the milk of cows, a completely different species, achieve the honor—and the branding advantage—of milk? Did the dairy board exert its influence? To me, it seems downright suspicious that the word breast be thus highlighted. Where else would milk come from? By definition, all mammals lactate—the root word of mammal is the Latin word mamma, or breast—and possess mammaries for that purpose. We don't include the word breast when we speak of how goats, chimpanzees, bats, or whales feed their young. By calling human milk breastmilk, we draw unnecessary attention to the milk's means of conveyance.

Or, rather, we expose a cultural obsession with the human female breast as sexual object that has almost eclipsed its primary and original role as an organ of nutrition. If we were to restore to human milk its rightful term of just plain milk (and downgrade what we buy in cartons to cow's milk), we might be a step closer to ending the perception that there is anything sexual about a breast while it is nursing a baby, and a step closer to normalizing the way babies are meant to be fed.

It has also been well documented that we use an inverted language to describe the differences between breastfeeding and bottle-feeding. Breastfeeding is the biological norm; instead of talking about "the benefits of breastfeeding," we should be talking about the hazards or risks of failing to breastfeed. Breastfeeding does not increase a child's IQ per se—it is more accurate to say that the absence of breastfeeding prevents mental development from reaching its inherent potential.¹ Human milk continues to nourish, develop, and hone a baby's systems postpartum, just as the placenta did before birth. From this biological perspective, babies expect to be breastfed, and will not achieve their normal projected potential if denied it. When we think of formula as "just fine" and breastmilk as "enhanced," we confuse the norm of tens of thousands of years with a technological convenience less than a century old.

Images
Baby-shower paraphernalia—wrapping paper, gift bags, decorated streamers, cards, e-cards—is lousy with images of baby bottles. Since I began to notice this, I have been hard-pressed to find baby-shower items that are not abundantly festooned with bottles. Amid the heaps of shower bric-a-brac, not a single image of a breast is to be found.

When I was pregnant with my second child, I flipped through what must have been every sibling-preparation book in print, from classics such as Russell Hoban and Lillian Hoban's A Baby Sister for Frances to flashy, photo-filled board books such as My New Baby, by Annie Kubler. At first I rejected any book that contained images of baby bottles, but I soon realized that that would mean rejecting virtually all of them. So I thought I'd compromise on books that at least included breastfeeding—an image, a nod, a mention, anything.

Not so easy to find. I did manage to track down some children's books that actually promote breastfeeding, but I had to really search, and, in one case, special-order one from the International Childbirth Education Association (ICEA). (See sidebar, "We Like to Nurse.") It was important to me to normalize breastfeeding for my then-three-year-old, and to protect her from oblique overexposure to bottle-feeding so early in her life. I knew this was ultimately impossible, but I wanted to at least lay down for her a foundation of comfort and custom with feeding infants the way I was feeding mine.

I encountered the same challenge when I tried to buy my elder daughter a baby doll in preparation for her sister's birth—so many dolls are sold with bottles. This association between baby dolls and baby bottles is very strong. At my daughter's preschool, they learn to sing a song about putting a baby to bed that the teacher acts out with a baby doll. In the middle of the song, the baby starts crying and the children are supposed to suggest ways of soothing it. The teacher tries each one as it is called out: she gives the baby a teddy bear, wraps it in a blanket, and, invariably, gives it milk. Finally, the baby drifts off to sleep. The exercise is supposed to be about building empathy: the children must imagine the baby's needs and strive to fill them. But the teacher never puts the doll to her breast. Every time, she tilts a toy bottle to its mouth.

The same preschool has an impressive library of educational books that are used to teach children basic words. These include photographs of objects familiar to little kids, such as grapes, blocks, and bathtubs, accompanied by the word for each. One image found in every one of these books is of a baby bottle. Even a cloth book designed for the very youngest readers, with only a single large picture per page, devotes one of its four pages to an image of a baby bottle. No human breast appears in any of these books. From all of this published evidence, one would have to assume that bottle-feeding is the norm.

Public reactions
That breastfeeding a child in public is even an issue is one of the most telling examples of the supremacy of bottle-feeding. When breastfeeding a baby in public is equated with indecency, the message is loud and clear: Feed baby a bottle or stay home. This attitude promotes bottle-feeding while discouraging breastfeeding, forcing the breastfeeding baby and mother into the proverbial closet.

Breastfeeding is covered extensively in the media, but usually to make the point that it is being inflicted on too mature a child. In a recent episode of the television series ER, when a mother was about to breastfeed her school-age son, the doctors reacted by smirking in an amused but clearly aghast kind of way.² We share a collective "gross-out" when we picture a prepubescent son lifting his mother's shirt for a quick num-num before he rides off on his two-wheeler. We hear people say, "As soon as a child is old enough to ask for it, that child is too old." Or, "After six months/one year/two years/[insert arbitrary cutoff age], breastfeeding is a selfish act to satisfy the mother's own needs." There is a general sense that, past a certain age, there is something wrong, something inappropriate and verging on taboo, about contact between a child and its mother's breast. But even if we have a firm sense of what age is, indeed, too old for breastfeeding, do we really think that prolonging a nurturing behavior past the norm du jour is equivalent to child abuse? Whom does it harm? We seem to make more of a fuss when someone breastfeeds past four years than when someone inflicts physical injury on a child, which usually elicits a disapproving but nonetheless respectful "How they raise their child is their business." Those of us who have nursed our babies into toddlerhood or beyond instinctively kept this ritual discreet. I never suffered a critical comment or dirty look, but as my daughter grew from passive recipient to active participant in the nursing relationship, I could feel the approving smiles of strangers gradually become awkward, averted gazes.

Bolstering this attitude is the unfounded belief that breastfeeding is beneficial only during the first three months, six months, year, two years, or whatever age is currently deemed old enough. But human milk does not suddenly become void of nutrition on the baby's six-month or two-year birthday. It is still just as nutritious, still provides immunities, and, most obviously, breastfeeding still provides immense comfort to the nursling. But we have been conditioned to undervalue a baby's need for comfort.

A hierarchy of needs
"She wasn't really hungry, she was just comfort-nursing." "He was just using me as a human pacifier." You've probably heard such phrases used to justify a parent's decision to night-wean or to stop or avoid breastfeeding in some way. We seem to believe that the only legitimate excuse for breastfeeding is hunger, and that anything else is a misuse of the goods. The term human pacifier is especially revealing—what is a pacifier but a plastic substitute for the breast? Similarly, we seem to regard as suspect any need of the breast a baby might have that is not strictly caloric.

The chemical composition of human milk has an opiate-like effect; it induces sleep. So it should come as no surprise that when they want to go to sleep, babies seek the breast.³ However, nature's plan causes our society anxiety. We feel we cannot indulge a baby's need when it involves anything other than nourishment, and that by doing so we will spoil the baby, teaching her that she needs the breast to fall asleep. We therefore deny the child this simple need and teach her to instead cry herself to sleep. Otherwise, there is a lingering concern that she will never learn to sleep without the breast.

But if babies cannot feed, walk, dress, or speak for themselves, why do we think they should be able to fall asleep by themselves? And just as babies outgrow diapers, crawling, babbling, and all other age-appropriate behaviors, they also outgrow breastfeeding and learn to sleep without the breast. I suspect that we fail to appreciate all that breastfeeding offers because bottle-feeding cannot even begin to provide these things. Babies come to the breast for much more than mere food. Breastfeeding affects cranial decompression,⁴ reduces the risk of cancer,⁵ prevents allergies,⁶ develops the jaw and brain,⁷ eases the baby's bonding with the mother⁸—and, yes, provides comfort. But we see the need for comfort as not only inferior to the need for food, but as requiring suppression. Our understanding of infants' nursing needs is skewed by the dominant bottle-feeding mentality.

Assumptions based on the formula model
When I was a first-time mom with a new baby, the community health nurses who ran my local drop-in group for parents and babies promised that we could not spoil our babies with too much attention. They heartily encouraged us to respond to all of baby's cries, explaining that it would lay a foundation of trust and compassion. However, this approach ceased to apply at night. Then, we were fiercely advised to ignore our wailing infants after they had reached some arbitrary age or weight, when they were supposed to be able to sleep through the night without parental comfort. Indeed, we were told that at this point babies suddenly had no need for nourishment for as long as 12 hours, but were simply crying to get attention. The responsible parent, we were told, would nip this manipulative habit in the bud, making baby forgo nighttime comfort cold-turkey. Babies should learn to comfort themselves, we were told. We should not permit them to make use of the breast for flimsy or selfish reasons. If they're not hungry, they don't need it.

Years later, I searched for any evidence that babies of a certain age or weight do not need calories at night. I never found any. My guess is that the myth that babies should not need to night-nurse is based on the formula model. Formula is poorly digested by the human infant,9 and formula is really only about the food. Artificially fed babies may indeed outgrow the need for bottles in the night at an early age, but I doubt they outgrow the need for parental comfort any more than they outgrow the need for the ideal nutrition that only the breast can provide.

When I teach breastfeeding positions in class, expectant parents often begin by holding their dolls in a cradle position, with the doll's tummy facing the sky, as a baby would be held for bottle-feeding. This does not work so well for breastfeeding—the baby's head would have to be turned hard to one side to make contact with the breast. But because images of bottle-feeding still predominate in movies, TV, and books, the bottle-feeding position has become the default definition of feeding position.

Another example of the formula model being misapplied to breastfeeding is when doctors advise mothers to stop nursing their sick babies and to instead feed them Pedialyte, an oral electrolyte solution used for rehydrating a baby after diarrhea or vomiting (basically, sugar, sodium, water, and artificial flavors). This would be correct medical advice for a formula-fed baby, but is rarely useful for a breastfed baby.¹⁰ A mother's milk responds to the pathogens in her and the baby's environment to adapt to the baby's specific immunological needs. This is why, with rare exceptions, its mother's milk is a baby's best medicine. Introducing a foreign substance such as Pedialyte into the gut of a breastfed baby who has the flu is usually foolish and unnecessary. But medical professionals often dole out such advice as if formula and breastmilk were interchangeable.

I suspect that this oversight applies to the rigid "10 percent rule" that hospitals here in Vancouver apply to postpartum weight loss in infants. Hospital-born babies are weighed immediately after birth, and are then expected to lose up to 10 percent of their body weight in the three or four days until the mother's milk comes in, before beginning to gain it back. If a baby loses more than this 10 percent, supplementation with formula is pushed mercilessly. In my experience, hospital staff don't spend extra time assessing baby's latch or position at the breast, nor do they suggest that the mother try nursing more often; they simply push formula. The problem of how a mother's milk supply can be adversely affected by supplemental bottle feeding¹¹ does not seem to be raised.

Here in British Columbia, homebirth is part of the public healthcare system; it is carefully regulated, and midwives are required to keep records. The midwife weighs the baby at birth, then not again until one week later (unless there is specific cause for concern), by which time most babies have again approached their birth weight.¹² Whether, in the interim, the baby has lost 1 percent, 10 percent, or 15 percent of the birth weight is never known. Instead, babies are evaluated for other signs of wellness versus dehydration, such as urine and feces output, good latch and position, energy level, and alertness.

As far as I can tell, the 10 percent weight-loss limit is based on nothing more scientific than hospital comfort levels. Babies are well equipped with fat cells to sustain them during their postpartum weight loss, until the mother's milk comes in and they begin to gain it back.¹³ How much weight is lost during that period is highly individual.¹⁴ The important thing is not the number on the scale, but that the baby has unrestricted access to the breast and is getting enough milk. There is no known harm to a baby losing, say, 10 percent of birth weight, but there is much known harm in giving a newborn formula,¹⁵ especially during the crucial first few days immediately following birth, when the foundation for the baby's immune system is being laid by the mother's colostrum. Yet we are so strongly attached to the "usualness" of babies being fed with bottles that we commit a well-documented risk to avoid an unsubstantiated one.

The recommendation by the American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) and the Canadian Paediatric Society (CPS) to exclude infants from mothers' beds betrays the same sort of misconception.¹⁶ It is important to remember that these organizations at one time advised against breastfeeding because it was deemed to be less "scientific" than formula bottle-feeding. The dismissal of the biological norm of breastfeeding requires the same sort of willful blindness as does rejecting the biological norm of cosleeping.

Imagine a mother gorilla or orangutan placing her newborn on a separate pile of leaves, to spend the night away from her baby. Or a mother in a nonindustrial culture leaving her baby to sleep all alone. All mammals sleep with their babies, and among the many reasons for this, ease of breastfeeding is no doubt paramount. Mammals nurse at close intervals throughout the 24-hour cycle of a day.^17-19 As someone who, before she discovered the soporific bliss of cosleeping, tried getting up in the night many times to feed a baby, I can tell you that solitary sleep can be dangerously threatening to the breastfeeding relationship. Sore nipples were nothing compared to the exhaustion of getting out of bed every few hours all night long. When I finally let myself sink fully into the attachment of parenting day and night, I discovered, as have so many other mothers, that we all got a lot more sleep.

To believe that a newborn is safer sleeping alone than with its mother, or that a breastfeeding mother gets more sleep with her newborn out of arm's reach, is to deviate sharply from our biologically appropriate habits as mammals. Formula bottle-feeding is a deviation at least as severe. Because cosleeping supports and facilitates breastfeeding, not bottle-feeding, it is not surprising that our culture discourages this loving and normal mammalian practice. The rejection of cosleeping by so-called experts is yet more evidence that our collective parental instincts have been undermined by the norm of bottle-feeding.

When should I introduce the bottle?
Even families who are committed to breastfeeding are prone to unknowingly undermine their success by giving a baby the occasional bottle. In all my classes, people ask at what age they can safely start giving baby a bottle—something they seem to assume is inevitable. This is because fathers suffering from "breast envy" feel a need to join the exclusive feeding relationship of mother and child, because our culture values giving mother a break more than it values adjusting both parents' expectations to ensure that the baby's needs are met during the "in-arms" period, and because we are so conditioned to assuming that babyhood involves bottle-feeding that we "naturally" think it the next thing to do.

In Canada, working mothers get a paid parental leave of one year. Except for the self-employed and those who weren't working enough hours to qualify for paid leave, most Canadian mothers are not obliged to return to work until a baby is old enough to prefer a cup to a bottle. But we are strongly influenced by the notion that we must introduce the bottle, and soon, or the baby may never take one. We seem willing to risk nipple confusion,²⁰ a baby's preference for the bottle over the breast,²¹ a threatened milk supply, colic, premature weaning, and worse, just so mom can go out for coffee without baby once or twice. We seem to have concluded that pumping breastmilk, buying and sterilizing bottles, and storing and reheating milk is easier or cheaper than simply committing ourselves to exclusive breastfeeding. We don't question our belief that all these extra activities—especially pumping, which is no picnic—somehow give mom a break. We believe all this because our cultural baseline is bottle-feeding.

Conclusion
Although it's unlikely these days that any layperson, let alone a health professional, would directly state that formula is healthier than breastmilk, we still collude in a culture that promotes bottle-feeding as "normal." As long as images of breastfeeding are overshadowed by images of bottles, and as long as formula-feeding facts are misapplied to the breastfed baby, breastfeeding will continue to be seen as a luxury rather than as the obvious best choice for babies.

NOTES
1. M. Morrow-Tlucak et al., "Breastfeeding and Cognitive Development in the First 2 Years of Life," Soc Sci Med 26, no. 6 (1988): 635-639.
2. John E. Gallagher, II, Director, "If Not Now," ER, Season 12, Episode 256.
3. J. Cubero et al., "The Circadian Rhythm of Tryptophan in Breast Milk Affects the Rhythms of 6-Sulfatoxymelatonin and Sleep in Newborns," Neuro Endocrinol Lett 26, no. 6 (December 2005): 657-661.
4. Dr. Noel Stimson, DDS, "Build Dental Health with Breastfeeding," Mothering, no.130 (May-June 2005): 55-61.
5. Mary Renfrew et al., Bestfeeding: Getting Breastfeeding Right for You (Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 1990): 5-6.
6. Health Canada Policy Statement, "Exclusive Breastfeeding Duration: 2004 Health Canada Recommendation," Health Canada: Infant Nutrition no. 4824 (2004).
7. See Note 4.
8. Marvin S. Eiger et al., The Complete Book of Breastfeeding (New York: Workman Publishing, 1987): 27-28.
9. Kathleen Huggins, RN, MS, The Nursing Mother's Companion: Fourth Revised Edition (Boston: Harvard Common Press, 1999): 2-4, 39.
10. La Leche League International, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (New York: Plume Books, 1991): 326-328.
11. Linda J. Smith, BSE, FACCE, IBCLC, "Keeping Up-to-Date: How Mother's Milk Is Made," Leaven 37, no. 3 (June-July 2001): 54-55.
12. Dr. William Sears, "Getting Enough Milk," Breastfeeding: www.askdrsears.com.
13. Dr. Jack Newman et al., Dr. Jack Newman's Guide to Breastfeeding (Toronto, ON: Harper-Collins, 2003).
14. Dr. Jay Gordon and Cheryl Taylor White, CBE, "Look at the Baby, Not the Scale," "Breastfeeding" (2001): www.drjaygordon.com/development/bf/scales.asp.
15. Marsha Walker, RN, IBCLC, "Just One Bottle Won't Hurt—Or Will It?" "Breastfeeding" (2005): www.drjaygordon.com/development/bf/supplement.asp.
16. J. McKenna, "Cultural Influences on Infant and Childhood Sleep Biology and the Science That Studies It: Toward a More Inclusive Paradigm," in Sleep and Breathing in Children: A Developmental Approach, J. Loughlin et al., eds. (New York: Marcell Dakker, 2000): 199-230.
17. J. McKenna et al., "Bedsharing Promotes Breastfeeding," Pediatrics 100, no. 2 (August 1997): 214-219.
18. S. Mosko et al., "Parent-Infant Co-Sleeping: The Appropriate Context for the Study of Infant Sleep and Implications for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Research," Journal of Behavioral Medicine 16, no. 6 (December 1993): 589-610.
19. See Note 10: 106.
20. Jack Newman, MD, "How to Know a Health Professional Is Not Supportive of Breastfeeding," Handout 18 (January 2005): www.bflrc.com/new man/breastfeeding/mdnosupt.htm.
21. Jack Newman, MD, "Breastfeeding—Starting Out Right," Handout 1 (January 2005): www.breastfeedingonline.com/1.html.

Stephanie Ondrack is a childbirth educator and doula with the Lower Mainland Childbearing Society of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Her older daughter, Reve, self-weaned before her third birthday, just in time for her sister, Choral, to be born and take her own rightful place at the breast.

thank you for nursing in public

I began breastfeeding in public shortly after Eva was born, and at the time, I had no idea how significant the act actually is.

When I’m out, I *rarely* see a mama nursing her baby. A while back, we went out for lunch at a local restaurant. I saw a new mama with a few week old baby, and she had Lanolin tucked into the bottle-net of her diaper bag. She did not nurse (and I watched like a hawk), and even though she did not, I was so excited to see another nursing mama—and I would have felt compelled to say something encouraging to her if she had nursed the little one in the restaurant.

When I was visiting family this past spring, a mama was there with her husband and their two kids (2 years and 4 months). The guest list included her husband, her parents, David, me, and all of our children (all of whom had been/are currently being nursed and are used to seeing a nursing baby). But when it was time for the baby to nurse, she left the room. Now, the first time she did this, we were eating dinner and I thought maybe she was hoping to find a more comfortable place to nurse. But, later that day, she left the room again--and this time, Esme and I were rocking quietly in a chair, nursing--and we were the only other ones in the room!

Her behavior made me feel awkward. I wanted to ask her why she kept leaving. There were comfortable places to sit, and the atmosphere was quiet, no matter where we were in the house. *I* sure as hell don’t mind if she nurses! I was nursing my own child throughout the day! And I do not leave to nurse—I nurse with whoever is in the room with us at the moment, wherever we are. It does not bother me, and I dedicate myself to making it normal for whoever is sitting around us. I talk about nursing. I answer questions. I make sure people know it’s normal, legal, and healthy.

Needless to say, I did not ask why she kept leaving, though I did tell her she could stay. Many times. I made that clear.

Another situation: David, Eva, Esme and I dropped in to visit someone at work one afternoon. She loves to see the girls when we stop by, so I walked back to her office so the girls could say hello, and Esme begins making it clear that she wants mama milk. I excused myself, and said, "Esme is ready to nurse. We will be around!"

But then, she said, in a rush, "Oh! Well, here, I am done in here, so you can use the office!"

I declined. She insisted. I relented, though I should not have. I did not want to go into the whole "Nursing-in-public-is-protected-by-law-in-the-state-of-Ohio-and-I-am-allowed-to-breastfeed-whenever-and-wherever-my-baby-needs-to" spiel when it seemed like, from her body language and tone of voice, that she was uncomfortable with the idea of me breastfeeding in the workplace.

[By the way, she recently had a baby boy, who, at five months, is still drinking only mamas milk.]

This situation is completely different from another experience I had at my work when we lived in Wisconsin. When I was on maternity leave, I stopped by to visit my colleagues and show off sweet, newborn Esme. When I went back to see my then manager in his office, we ended up having a good long talk, during part of which Esme nursed. He was at ease the whole time and completely supportive of my nursing in public. Perhaps I owe this to his dear wife, who is a La Lache League Leader and who nursed their two children for 2+ years each.

When we were in Disney World last summer, I saw two or three women nursing. The most significant was a mama who was nursing her three year old in line for and during The Enchanted Tiki Room show. A Spanish-speaking woman, she nursed over the top of her tank top in the front row (of a circular auditorium--I nursed about six seats down, made eye contact, and smiled. I do not speak Spanish, otherwise I would have commended her! An absolutely wonderful experience!

But there is another young mama I know who is uncomfortable nursing in front of others. I do not know her very well, but I want her to know that it is important to nurse in public. It is a simple act, yet at the same time, it is a momentous act.

How many times do you see a nursing mama when you are out? What do you do? Do you smile at her? Do you just go on with your business as if the act of breastfeeding is completely normal (because it is!)? Do you say encouraging words?

I never know quite what to do, though it is so seldom that I see a mama nursing in public that I always want to do something to acknowledge her act in a positive way (though I can always trust Eva to say something along the lines of, "Look, Mama! She nurses her baby, too!"). When someone says something positive to me, or just makes eye contact and smiles, it makes me feel good to know that someone appreciates the significance of breastfeeding in public—and the significance of breastfeeding in general!

I printed up some notes (the image at the top of this entry), little business cards, with a few words of thanks to hand out to the NIP mamas I see. I figure it is another important and essential step that I need to take to make a return to breastfeeding as the norm in our culture. I included the International Breastfeeding Symbol on the card, but since since I travel so much, I did not include any specific state legislation.

Here is a beautiful breastfeeding letter from Best of Craigslist. It brings tears to my eyes:

Date: 2006-11-21, 10:07PM PST

I happened to be on an Airplane
from Shrevesport two weeks ago. Those tend to be small and crowded.

I sat next to a young lady, perhaps 20 or so. She was carrying a small
child, who was quite unhappy with the pressure changes and all.

She got up several times to go to the bathroom, each time I had to rise to
let her out. I knew she was comforting the child, I even asked her if she
wished the aisle seat.

She blushed and said she preferred the inside seat. The flight got a little rough,
the seat belt light came on along with a warning from the Captain, and he
wasn’t kidding, it got very rough.

She looked quite miserable, the child was crying. The ears of the very young are quite sensitive, they have not learned to compensate so nursing is very beneficial at times like that.

When the flight began to calm I mentioned to her that it was all right to comfort her child at her seat, I did not mind.

She smiled and thanked me, I suppose the fact that I am obviously a bit grandfatherly relaxed her. So she did, I simply read my book. Several around noticed but none took offense.

One funny thing, the steward came by, a young man of perhaps 30 or so,
bringing soft drinks. This was after things had settled down a bit. She was
asleep, as was the child. It had a solid locklip on her breast, both were quite
content. He asked me if my daughter wanted anything, I got some Orange juice
for her and set it on her tray. She woke up soon after, drank it and thanked me.

I even got to hold the child for awhile, a wonderful feeling bringing back
some memories of my youth and my own children.

I confess to a small tear in my eyes at touching a hand nearly as small as
my index finger.
Perhaps my being much older makes a difference, but breastfeeding is a
wonderful thing to see. Even as a male, a tiny child pressing to my chest feels
just fine.

Look down on it all you wish, those who do are fools. Women should feed their children as nature intended, they will be stronger and healthier as a result. I see nothing wrong with it, if bashful or in a highly public place, a simple blanket will suffice. If not, that does not matter, it did not for the young lady sharing a long trip with me.

My wife nursed ours until they turned to solid foods, often in public. Not one time did anyone say anything.

It might be time for some to rub a bit of the blue off their noses, this is a
very silly thing to take any offense at. Courtesy would dictate that we simply
go on our way and let the young mothers be.

It is just nature at work.

The following is a NIP story I read on Mothering a while back. It is an uplifting story, and I saved it because I did not want it to be lost for eternity in the forum-abyss!

About a year ago i was out with a friend who was just getting used to NIP
with her 3 month old daughter. We were in a coffee shop (Tinderbox, GLasgow, UK if anyone is interested). I'd been NIP in there from when DD was 10 days old so it seemed a good place for her to take the plunge.

Anyway babe woke, mama got to nursing.

An old man, at the next table, immediately began to grumble and mutter.
Soon he was loud enough that we could hear the grumblings of "disGUSting" and
"public decency" and "should be ashamed". I just held my friend's eye contact
and gave her my "Your legal right!" look (legally protected in the UK to
NIP).

A few moments of this passed and then a member of staff passed, clearing
tables. Old man pipes up "Aren't you going to do anything about her feeding THAT
in here!? It's disgusting! They should be thrown out!" My friend was getting
twitchy. I put a hand on her arm, and said "steady" under my breath.

The member of staff, a boy of about 18, looked at the old man, looked at us
and said "one moment sir" to the old guy. He vanished. A moment later he
returned with a paper cup and lid. He put the paper cup on the old guy's table,
picked his half-drunk coffee up, poured it into the cup, put the lid on and then
holding the cup out to the old guy said "You can't see them from outside, which
is where you're going now."

The old guy had a face like THUNDER but he left. We smiled sweetly and
BROADLY at him as he left.I could have KISSED that boy! They have a BF-friendly attitude in there but this is seriously fabulous!

Check out Nursing is Normal, a photographic display of mothers nursing in public places. The NIN Project was started by Kathy O'Brien (a doula and photographer in Fort Worth, Texas) with the intention of helping women to feel comfortable nursing in public.

Here is a Breastfeeding Report Card and other noteworthy breastfeeding information, mostly statistics, but the information about the survey is interesting, too.

Also, First Right is a site that protects breastfeeding and promotes it as the cultural and biological norm. On this site, breastfeeding discrimination can be reported, and action against discrimination is organized.

One more, an awesome site where you can buy the International Breastfeeding Symbol in a variety of formats--free shipping!

the shape of a mother

One day I sat in a restaurant in Anaheim, California eating breakfast, when a woman passed by my table with her infant carrier in tow. As she lifted it up to fit between the tables, her shirt raised and I saw that, although she was at a healthy weight and her body was fit, she had that same extra skin hanging around her belly that I do. It occurred to me that a post-pregnancy body is one of this society's greatest secrets; all we see of the female body is that which is airbrushed and perfect, and if we look any different, we hide it from the light of day in fear of being seen. That makes me want to cry. Sure we all talk about the sagging boobs and other parts, but no one ever sees them. Or if they do, it's in comical form, mocking the beauty that created and nourished our children. It is my dream, then, to create this website where women of all ages, shapes, sizes and nationalities can share images of their bodies so it will no longer be secret. So we can finally see what women really look like sans airbrushes and plastic surgery. I think it would be nothing short of amazing if a few of our hearts are healed, or if we begin to cherish our new bodies which have done so much for the human race. What if the next generation grows up knowing how normal our bodies are? How truly awesome would that be? -The Shape of a Mother

A couple of years ago, I met Bonnie on MySpace. Shortly after that, she launched The Shape of a Mother, the amazing online photographic community dedicated to loving the body of a mother, what her body stands for, and the beauty of life created. You can add the lovely lady who started this wonderful following as a friend on MySpace or join her group on Facebook. Showing my mama-tummy in public does not make me feel ashamed. Sometimes, yes, I get less than kind responses, but the positive far outweighs anything otherwise. I really enjoy the positive responses I get when I sport my own mama tummy when I bellydance and drum for dancers. I occasionally have henna art on my tummy, which highlights the mama-swirls and lines.

I cannot find many not-nude photos of me baring my tummy without henna, but here is one from when I was about three months pregnant with Esme, in our shoppe at Bristol:

Most of the sculptures David has done of me feature my mama tummy--and they are usually the favorites of the year when they are introduced. Done in May 2005, the following drum is the very first sculpture David did of me, what he titled "My Guardian Angel." Dispite the crack through the center in the finished version (which happened during the first firing), it is always a public favorite at shows: It may be difficult to see with the glare from the glaze, but notice the mama swirls on the tummy and breasts. A more recent sculpture of me, from January 2007, pregnant with Esme, is David's favorite sculpture ever. It is an abstract-ish figure centered on a drum with a tiger face carved on the top. The figure has a full baby-tummy and is "holding" the tiger. The tummy is also full of mama swirls:

David constantly uses this drum for recording and for playing live, so it travels with him. It has even made it on stage for gigs. Women should feel empowered by the shapes of their bodies. We are not a one-size fits all Barbie. No. We are slender, curvy, voluptuous, lovely, fertile, real women. We are both scarred and flawless. We are mothers. Our bodies have changed along with the wonderful changes motherhood has introduced us to. We need to be proud of the thin

I will close with a strip--one of my favorites, actually--from dear Hathor, published years ago: