tips for new moms

These 10 tips will help you survive and enjoy the early weeks as a new mom.

1. Go slow. We live in a fast-paced world. Babies move at a very different pace, as do new parents. Give yourself permission to move on "baby time."

2. Limit your other obligations. You will only be a new parent for a few months of your entire life. Think about how you can make the most of it.

3. Sleep whenever you can. Try to rest whenever baby is sleeping or being cared for by someone else. Rest can sometimes feel like a waste of time when there is constantly something to do, but keeping yourself as refreshed as possible will make everything else much easier.

4. Nurture yourself. You are putting out an enormous amount of energy as a new parent. It is important to recharge your batteries. Even a 30 minute hot bat, a short read or a walk with a friend could help you to rejuvenate. Think about two or three things you could do in less than an hour to nurture yourself and make it happen.

5. Think of your baby's crying as communication. Your baby needs to learn that his world and the people in it are trustworthy and reliable. His sense of trust is an essential building block for all other learning he will do. There may be times when nothing seems to help and you may just need to stay close, relaxed and supportive until your baby is done crying.

6. Keep your expectations to a minimum. Many parents who work outside the home before they have a baby expect that being home with baby will afford them many opportunities to get things done around the house. If you can keep your expectations to a minimum you may feel less overwhelmed and unsuccessful. Projects and chores can wait, so be willing to set them aside.

7. Accept offers of help. You will be giving others the gift of feeling included and helpful and you will be giving yourself the gift of help.

8. Ask for help. Many people around you might be interested in helping, but may not know how or what to offer. You can gently inquire if they would be interested.

9. Get together with other new parents. One of the hardest things about being a new parent is believing you are the only one feeling overwhelmed and confused. It can be very supportive to spend time with other new parents. Look for new parent support or activity groups through your local hospital, community center, adult education center, or La Lache League.

10. Expect to feel vulnerable. Bringing a new baby into your life changes you forever. Your feelings are simultaneously deepened and closer to the surface. You might find yourself wet with tears or spontaneously elated at a moment's notice. If you know that this rich emotional life is a natural part of being a new parent, you may be able to relax, tolerate or even relish these new feelings.

the value and purpose of labor support

Labor support can be priceless to a mother. As doulas, we often times do put a price tag on our services and time, but the benefits received outweigh the cost. Studies have shown that by hiring a doula a mother can reduce her need for pain medication, increase overall satisfaction with the birth experience, drastically reduce the risk of a cesarean and reduce the risk of assisted delivery by forceps or vacuum extraction. The studies have  also shown a reduction in postpartum depression for mothers who had a doula or continual labor support by a person trained in birth. Much of this is the result of an increase in confidence levels by both the mother and the father. Second time mothers often say that their birth with a doula was so much better than their first birth without one because they knew they had someone there whose sole purpose was to tend to her physical and emotional needs.

Part of labor support is empowering a mother to have confidence in her ability to birth. Having someone available for the entire length of labor provides security and confidence for the mother as practitioners are typically caring for multiple patients at a time or have other responsibilities, such as the clinical needs of the mother and the baby. Paperwork also must be completed and shift changes occur, bringing in new people to the birth environment. Having a constant throughout the entire labor process provides a sense of familiarity and safety for a laboring mother. Doulas also help the mother and father both communicate with the hospital staff or birth attendants, which is necessary in a time such as labor when the parents are usually distracted with the labor itself. While it is not the role of a doula to speak for the parents to the practitioner, she should advocate in order to help the mother or partner speak for themselves. Helping the mother and partner ask the questions appropriate to their situation and navigating the terminology used is also often helpful.

Supporting a mother emotionally during labor and birth helps the mother to believe that she can do it. Sometimes being told that she can do it is all that a mother needs to hear to keep going strong during a long labor. Understanding that laboring women are vulnerable and that the birth space should be protected is very important. Laboring women should have peace and quiet and no unnecessary interruption--and holding that space for a mother is a priority. When a doula and a partner help create a peaceful and safe environment for a laboring mother, practitioners will often follow suite and respect that space, allowing a sense of calm for the mother that helps her to maintain stamina through labor. Emotional support does not end at the birth, however. Helping a mother to process her birth experience is equally important. In unforeseen complications or unexpected situations or traumas, a mother needs the continued emotional support to facilitate healing. Being especially sensitive to these needs helps to reduce postpartum depression and negative feelings towards her birth.

Labor support also includes physical support for the laboring mother. Every woman has a different need in labor, whether it is continual touch, massage or counter pressure, while other women want very little physical touch. Women will often not know what their need will be until labor has progressed and it is important to be able to understand what the mothers needs are and at what time her needs are the greatest. Incorporating the partner into the physical aspect of labor support is often very affective as they usually already have a certain intimacy between them as a couple.

The needs of a laboring and birthing woman are very complex. Mothers deserve the continual support of a doula, someone trained in labor support. If all women had a doula present for their labor and delivery, most of them would be able to birth without medication and with little medical intervention. The cost of maternity care would decrease as a result, and there would be higher success rates in breastfeeding. Postpartum depression rates would also lower. Every woman deserves a memorable and meaningful birth experience. Every woman deserves a doula.

Artwork: Birthing in Pink by Aiyaart

preparing for natural childbirth

One of the most important choices a pregnant woman will make is how she will give birth. While it is common for many birthing women to choose medications and synthetic drugs to manage pain during labor, choosing to do so brings on a greatly increased risk of birth complications and further labor intervention procedures. While childbirth may be painful, in a healthy pregnancy, a natural, drug-free childbirth is by far the best option for having a healthy delivery. A woman who trusts in her body's natural ability to labor and birth will have the most rewarding, emotional and powerful birth experience.

There are many steps you can take during your pregnancy in order to prepare for a natural birth. Make sure you keep a healthy lifestyle during your pregnancy, eating primarily nutritious, whole foods and getting plenty of easy exercise by walking, doing stretches, and yoga.

Once you decide you are serious about having a natural childbirth, hire attendants who are more likely to support your decision to birth naturally. Consider hiring a midwife rather than an OB. Midwives are autonomous practitioners and are the primary carer for the vast majority of women in both the developed and undeveloped worlds during their pregnancy. Provided a pregnancy is progressing normally, a woman need never see a doctor. According to Catherine Taylor in her book Giving Birth: A Journey into the World of Mothers and Midwives, midwives have a 19% lower rate of infant deaths and a 33% lower rate of neonatal mortality (infant death in the first month) than doctors attending comparable births, and midwives who attend hospital births have a cesarean rate that is half the national average. Additionally, midwives tend to be more open to different methods of childbirth. And, if complications do arise, midwives are assuredly knowledgeable and capable.

Whether you choose to hire a midwife or not, you may also consider hiring a doula. Essentially, a doula is a natural-childbirth coach and advocate for the birthing mother and her family. If you have a doula present at your birth, she will be able to remind you of the reasons you chose to birth naturally and gently push you to continue as you had planned when you are in the throws of labor. She will also be able to assist you with relaxation, breathing and pain-relieving techniques and help labor move along as smoothly as possible. In addition to providing emotional and physical labor support, she will advocate your wishes and can assist in communication with medical staff in a hospital setting, as well as obtain information for you to better be able to make informed decisions in regards to procedures and possible interventions.

Perhaps the most important step to preparing yourself for a natural childbirth is to educate yourself about every aspect of the birth experience. You have nine months to learn all you can about labor options, birth attendants, common procedures, possible necessary and unnecessary interventions, and the common and unique qualities of other successful natural childbirths. With the internet, there are literally countless resources at your fingertips. There are also many books that focus objectively on natural birthing options, including my favorites, Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation by Pam England and Rob Horowitz and The Birth Partner: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions by Penny Simkin. When browsing birth-education reading material, be sure to choose books and sources that positively support your decision to have a healthy, aware, and natural childbirth.

Another step you can take to prepare yourself for a natural birth is to participate in childbirth education classes. While many hospitals offer basic classes for pregnant couples, there are many alternative options that actually focus on natural labor techniques. Lamaze is the most discussed method of birth education and natural pain management, teaching techniques for focused breathing. Lamaze will help you focus on making it through each contraction, though it does not necessarily prepare women for what to expect in regards to the intense pain involved in labor. Becoming increasingly popular, however, are comprehensive natural childbirth classes such as Hypnobabies, The Pink Kit, and Birth Outside the Box. These well-rounded, objective courses are comparably priced and available to you in the comfort of your own home or in small group settings, and they will provide you with options for natural pain-relief and a solid foundation on which to build your natural birth experience.

Lastly, be confident about your decision to have a natural childbirth and your body's ability to birth. For most women who choose natural childbirth, their main goal is to be lucid and alert after the delivery of their baby, to be able to immediately and peacefully see, hold and bond with their baby. Visualize this positive outcome throughout your pregnancy and be confident that this is what your want. If you expect horrible labor pain, you are more likely to actually be in pain. Confidence is actually a big step in making the labor process more bearable.

Once you educate yourself about your options and decide on birth attendants who support your decision to birth naturally, you will be able to develop a clear picture of your own expectations for a emotionally fulfilling positive birth experience. If you begin feeling discouraged at any point during your pregnancy or labor, remember this one simple thing: You were made for this.

what does a doula do?

Doula is a word of Greek origin meaning "woman who serves." These days, though, doulas are professionals, usually women, who provide emotional, physical and informational support to a woman and her family during the antenatal, birthing and postpartum periods. The three most common types of doulas are labor doulas, postpartum doulas, and antepartum doulas.

A labor doula attends a birthing mother and her family before, during, and just after the birth of the baby. By serving as an advocate, labor coach, and informational resource, a labor doula helps ensure a safe and satisfying birth experience. She often provides reassurance and experienced perspective, helps with relaxation techniques including massage and positioning, and makes suggestions to progress labor. Studies have found that the presence of a doula at birth results in shorter labor with fewer complications, reduces negative feelings about one's childbirth experience, reduces the need for intervention (including pitocin, forceps, vacuum extraction, and cesareans), and reduces the mother's request for pain medication and epidural. Before labor begins, a labor doula will familiarize herself with a pregnant mother's birth plan, which will include preferences regarding management options and the use of pain medication, and will assist in establishing breastfeeding after the birth of the baby.

A postpartum doula assists the new mother and baby, as well as the rest of the family, within the first few weeks after the birth. Postpartum doulas are especially knowledgeable about newborn care and breastfeeding. Providing patient and non-judgmental support, postpartum doulas offer a family breastfeeding tips, baby care and advice (on topics such as bathing, circumcision, vaccinations), emotional support and reassurance, light household help, sibling care, meal preparation, and errand running. As the role of a postpartum doula is strictly non-medical, she does not provide any clinical care.

An antepartum doula has specific and extensive training that relates to assisting pregnant women who are classified as high risk, pregnant women who may be on bedrest, or pregnant women with medical conditions necessitating additional help. Antepartum doulas provide assistance, education and physical support for a pregnant mother, sibling care, errand running, meal preparation, home care, and emotional support.

Doulas do not offer medical advice and do not perform clinical tasks (such as checking fetal heart rate, taking the mother's blood pressure, performing vaginal exams, or delivering a baby--although many are trained for such in case of emergency situations). Doulas do, however, have professional training and/or experience from the organizations that they train through and/or the births and clients they attend. Doulas are employed by pregnant and postpartum women and their families to provide physical comfort, emotional support, and to advocate. They provide their clients with unbiased information necessary to make informed, educated decisions.

If you are considering employing a birth, postpartum, or antepartum doula, it is important to get to know her first, check references, ask about her attendance and experience, and if she has birthed and breastfed a child.


Helpful Resources

Books on Natural Childbirth
The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin, PT, CD
The Birth Book by William Sears, MD, and Martha Sears, RN IBCLC
Active Birth by Janet Balaskas
Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCuthcheon
Easing Labor Pain by Adrienne Lieberman
Mothering the Mother: How a Doula Can Help You Have a Shorter, Easier & Healthier Birth by John H. Kennell, Phyllis H. Klaus, Marshall H. Klaus

Books on Having a Vaginal Birth after Cesarean 
Natural Birth After Cesarean: A Practical Guide by Johanne C. Walters & Karis Crawford
Silent Knife: Cesarean Prevention & VBAC by Nancy Wainer Cohen & Lois Estner

Books on High-Risk Pregnancy Care
The Pregnancy Bed Rest Book by Amy E. Tracy
When Pregnancy Isn't Perfect by Laurie A. Rich
Intensive Caring by Dianne Hales & Timothy R. B. Johnson


Books on Postpartum Care
Rebounding From Childbirth: Towards Emotional Recovery by Lynn Madsen
Mothering the New Mother: Women's Feelings and Needs After Childbirth by Sally Placksin
The Year After Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger